Sunday, October 18, 2009

June 15, 2009 (from my private journal)- Part III: Telling my Mom, Time to be Strong

I went to work that evening, puffy, bloodshot eyes and all.  I told everyone I was fine who saw that obviously something was not.  I needed the distraction, it calmed me down and made me realize, life must and will go on.


It was time to tell family, I would first call my mom, I really dreaded it though.  My mom cries at the drop of a hat, always has, how the heck was she going to take this news?  I knew if she knew how distraught I was, she'd fall to pieces, so I took a deep breath and called, it was time to be strong.  I kept the call very business-like, stuck to the facts and the immediate actions.  And then came the question "how are you?" she asked.  "I'm fine" I replied. "It is what it is and nothing I can do can change it, I just need to be educated and prepared and do whatever I need to to care for this baby." WOW, where did that come from? That made more sense than anything else that had gone through my mind that day.  I kept repeating that response over and over for the rest of the night and while I still shed some tears, a calm was coming over me.
I decided to e-mail my closest friends, I could really use some kind words of support but didn't want to make 5 phone calls and rehash the day 5 times.  I'd save the call to my dad for the next day, for some reason I thought that call would be more difficult to make.

Oh, and mom surprised me, NO tears....at least not then.

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