Had the level 2 sono today, the thought of a cleft was still pretty far in the back of my mind. I mean, what would the chances be that since I had a Bilateral Cleft Lip and Palate that my 2nd child also have it? Why was I so naive? Although my husband had accompanied me to EVERY appointment for Ethan, I didn't give it a second thought when he couldn't make this appoinment, he had fulfilled his husbandly duties so I braved it alone.
The tech performed another thorough 20 week anatomy scan and indicated that she was going to focus on the baby's face. As she was going through the process she began asking questions about my cleft....."how many surgeries have you had?" "15 I replied", she said "you know technology has advanced tremendously since then right? Babies don't go though all that anymore". With that I got a sinking feeling in my gut that something was not right. She printed a beautiful pic of the baby for me and asked that I wait for a doctor to come speak to me (this was not my regular OB office). It's never good when you have to wait for a doctor to come speak to you right? If everything was fine, she would have sent me on my merry way. I stared at the pic of my baby for what seemed like an eternity thinking "please don't let it be a cleft". The doctor came in and said it "your baby has a cleft"! Not sure (or refusing) if I heard correctly (she had an accent), I asked her to repeat herself and she said again "your baby has a cleft". I immediately asked "can you tell how bad?" and she replied "both sides." In a split second every negative experience I had over the last 34 years, the surgeries, the speech issues, the dental work, the teasing, the lack of self-esteem.....all went through my mind and with that it seemed as if my world came crashing down....and I began to sob.
The doctor was so wonderful, she took me into her office and showed me the pictures and there it was, clear as day, a Bilateral cleft lip. I asked her about the palate and she said that they cannot get pictures of the palate and we wouldn't know for sure until the baby is born, but statistically with a bilateral lip usually comes a bilateral palate, and again the thoughts of the obturator I wore for 30 years and of feeling "not whole" came rushing back and my world came crashing down again for the second time in 10 minutes and again I began to sob.
The doctor went on to outline the most immediate steps...."are you planning to keep this baby?" she asked. Without a pause or breath, "Absolutely!" I repsonded, how could she ask such a thing. She sensed my surprise and explained that not every woman decides so. That was a sobering moment for me, "but this is so correctable" I thought. With all of the negative, at 34 years old, the positive far outweighs the negative. I have always felt that my cleft has made me the woman I am today, I am a confident, successful woman with a loving husband, beautiful son and wonderful family and friends.....a cleft isn't THAT bad! So bad, as to terminate a life!
Going on, the doctor informed me that genetic counseling for my husband and I is usually routine to see if there may be cause for concern for any of the chromosomal defects which can accompany a cleft. She set up that appointment for us herself. She also recommended an amnio to rule these defects out and made that appointment for me as well. Calming down now, the doctor printed out the contact info for every cleft team in N.Y. state and suggested we begin consulting to line up care for the baby.
As I was signing out of the office my emotions got the best of me and I began to cry yet again, I knew I was now going to have to tell my husband the news.
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